Tuckington on Chorus Stuff

[notyourrookie]

They set up camp outside in one of the caves that seem so prevalent in this part of Chorus, if what the Reds and Blues have said about the Rebel base is any indication. They've explored far back enough to know that no-one will be able to come at them through the caves themselves, but that doesn't mean that they're out of the woods.

Figuratively or literally at this point.

Resting is the sensible option. They're all wired and exhausted and that last call had been too close for comfort. They need sleep. They need to plan their next move, but Wash knows that both he and Carolina (and that's a whole squirming sack of bees that he isn't sure he wants to poke just yet) are both itching at the inaction, and looking over their shoulders waiting for Felix and Locus to make their next move.

They've shared out their meagre rations between them, and now Wash is keeping watch just along the ridge. Hopefully they should see someone coming early enough. He paces along it, restless without anything to focus him. Escape from the Feds had been a focus, finding his men, but now? Telling both sides their information is a goal, but a distant one right now. It's nebulous enough that his mind slips away from it like sand through his fingers leaving him itching for action.

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[unlocksdeath]

Tucker knows he should be happy to get some rest now that no one expects him to know what to do. Kimball's not looking to him to lead anymore, he doesn't have a team reporting to him, Wash is back. Sarge and Carolina, too, (and Epsilon, but he expected Carolina to abandon them, not Church, so he's not talking about that) which means he is officially absolved of leadership duties. And yet he still feels too stressed out to sit still.

Wash alive and well and taking charge again should be nothing but a welcome relief, but some part of Tucker's mind is still stuck on but what if he wasn't? Waking up with the News and the assumption that the others were dead had left a heavy feeling in his gut that still hadn't left yet. Even the intel that Wash and the others were alive hadn't been reassuring, Tucker all too aware that it could have just been to fuck with them, to goad them into a rescue mission where they'd just walk into a trap. Wash could have been dead all too easily and Tucker still isn't sure how the fuck he could have handled that.

So he gives up on resting and heads out to where he knows Wash is patrolling, making a little noise near the mouth of the cave to announce his presence. A deliberate scuff of his boot against rock, clearing his throat. Rule number one of living with a particularly paranoid ex-spec ops guy is never sneak up on him, Tucker knows all too well. And he still stops a few steps back, in case Wash was too lost in his own head to notice him.

"Hey, Wash? Can we talk?"

He doesn't mean to sound so unsure about this, he really doesn't. But he still has no idea what he wants to say, just that he has to say something.

[notyourrookie]

He hears movement and has his gun out and turns in one smooth movement, aimed and ready to fire. He holds still for a moment, gaze flicking across the cyan armour, the stance, before he finally lowered the weapon and lets out a huff of breath. Tucker. Just Tucker. That's fine. Christ he's wired if he can't even gauge where someone's coming from.

Of course Tucker has to go and ask that question and it puts Wash instantly on edge, wariness displaying in every inch of his posture.

"You should be resting. We'll have to move out in a few hours."

[unlocksdeath]

The gun doesn't surprise him. He kind of wishes it did, but it doesn't, just make him glad he thought to stop so far back, thought to give Wash so much time. Tucker still has his helmet on, paranoid about needing night vision out here because he is not screwing everything up by falling down a tunnel into a deeper cave or something like this, but he does tip his head to one side as he gestures at Wash's weapon.

"Yeah, but I'm not the one trying to go Caboose on a teammate," Tucker says, like a teamkilling joke is really appropriate right now. Or ever. "Look, dude, it's not like you're getting any rest, either."

[notyourrookie]

Wash tilts his head, regarding Tucker for a moment before he finally attaches the gun back to the mag-lock on his armour.

"I had complete control," Wash replies. He wouldn't have shot unless he was sure it wasn't one of his teammates. "I'm fine. Go back to the others."

[unlocksdeath]

He would if he thought he could actually relax a little, if there was a halfway decent chance he'd actually be able to sleep a little. But Tucker knows he can't right now, so he doesn't say anything for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. Wash doesn't want to talk, but Tucker feels as though he needs to.

He has to say something about how awful it was to think Wash was dead, to get it off his chest, but all he manages to come up with is- "I'm glad you're okay."

[notyourrookie]

Wash has already started to turn back to his position when Tucker speaks again. It makes him pause, and he turns back. behind his helmet, his eyes narrow in a frown. It's an uncomfortable admission, and Wash really isn't sure how to respond.

"I'm glad you're okay too, Tucker." He'd been worried about them while he'd been with the Feds.

[unlocksdeath]

"I mean I was really worried that you wouldn't be," Tucker blurts out, before Wash can try to dismiss him again. "We were getting our asses kicked at the crash site and when we got cut off I thought you might've been dead. And then we needed to find you and everyone thought I'd know what to do or whatever and I didn't and all I wanted to do was make sure you were alive so you could tell me what to do."

[notyourrookie]

That is... very frank coming from Tucker. Tucker who, not that long ago, had been so angry at him for not being Church. There's something that's changed in him since then. Wash can't quite figure it out, isn't sure that he wants to. All of this is very uncomfortable. How is he supposed to respond?

"You seem to have survived fine," he says after a moment. "We all did."

[unlocksdeath]

"Yeah, this time."

At this point, he's not thinking about what he's saying. He's not letting himself think about it because it probably sounds all kinds of stupid and overthinking isn't going to make it any better. Bur Tucker doesn't know; maybe getting it off his chest will help something.

"But what about next time? Things are just getting worse and it's not like we can back out now, we can't just leave these people like this. And you're probably going to keep doing dumb heroic shit and I-" He stops himself awkwardly, flails a hand in a gesture that doesn't really mean anything. "Shit, Wash, I really care about you."

[notyourrookie]

That doesn't surprise him. There is always a next time. One thing after another, just his fucking luck. "We're soldiers, Tucker. It's kind of in the job description." They put themselves in danger, over and over again.

He frowns, shifting his stance a little and leaning forward, just a touch. "Tucker..." He's about to say something, something about how it wasn't heroic, just necessary but Tucker keeps talking, blurting out words and...

"I-" He rolls the words over his tongue. "Thank you?"

[unlocksdeath]

Thank you. And Tucker realizes he's either not been understood for all those unfiltered words or Wash doesn't feel the same way. Which would be ridiculous, wouldn't it? Tucker's the best choice around. And not just because their usual company sucks.

"You're welcome? But I'm pretty sure that's not the right way to respond to someone saying they've got feelings for you."

[notyourrookie]

It feels like there's a car crash in his brain. he knows what that feels like. He's been in enough car crashes to recognise the feeling when everything slows down and crunches together.

He stares at Tucker, trying to process that. Is that what he thinks it is? Does he really mean... beyond shitty jokes and exaggerated flirting. "What?"

[unlocksdeath]

"You're gonna make me say it?" Tucker asks, looking at Wash a moment before dropping his gaze to the ground, shoulders visibly tensing. He doesn't like that this hasn't gone smoothly. Not that he really thought it would, not that he really thought about this, but this sucks.

"Look, I've got it bad for you and if you died it would really fuck me up so just..." He looks up again, trying to talk around a too-tight throat. "Just don't fucking do that, okay? Don't die."

"wash is dense and needs kisses" : a subthread

[unlocksdeath]

Okay, now they're all doing dumb heroic shit. They've put a lot of planning into it, so there's some chance that any element of that plan will make things go right, but Tucker knows these guys, knows how easily plans go to hell. So he doesn't want to take any chances.

He hasn't talked to Wash about that conversation outside the cave and Wash hasn't brought it up either, which... well, it's not fine and Tucker wishes they could talk about it, but he's dealing with it. There's still that uncomfortable feeling in the back of his mind, though: what if Wash dies this time? What if they split up and never see one another again?

Which is why, fuck it, he's hunting Wash down between planning powwows, helmet under his arm, jogging to catch up when he catches sight of grey and yellow.

"Wash! Hey, you got a second?"

Re: "wash is dense and needs kisses" : a subthread

[notyourrookie]

There's a feeling of dread pooling in his belly the closer this mission draws. It's risky as hell. There's only a few of them, and even if they've planned this out, there's so many things that could go wrong. Felix and Locus are dangerous. And Locus is his job.

He hates how nervous that makes him, but Locus scares him in a deep down visceral way that he tries not to think about.

He's sitting outside their temporary accommodations, obsessively cleaning his weapons. It's the only thing he can do right now. He looks up when Tucker approaches. "Sure. What is it?"

[unlocksdeath]

Tucker drops to sit next to Wash, uninvited. Maybe at eye level this won't be weird. Maybe it'll be weird no matter what he does and he really just shouldn't. He pushes the thought away, balancing his helmet on one knee.

"We've got the end of all this coming up and it's probably going to suck and I just- Never mind. You're probably going to be weird about this, so I'll just get to the point," he says, getting it out before he can stop himself. "I know you already said you intended to stay alive but I want you to promise me."

[notyourrookie]

Wash goes back to what he's doing, sharpening each of his knives to a razor point. He isn't about to take any chances this time. Too much risk. He casts Tucker a brief glance, a little uncomfortable that he's not wearing his helmet, but can't bring himself to mention it right now.

"Well, that's reassuring," Wash says when Tucker starts talking. But he lets him say his piece. "I- Does that really make a difference?"

[unlocksdeath]

"Yeah. It does to me."

It's such a stupid little thing and he knows it, but he knows what Wash means to him, too. And he knows that he's been a soldier for years and never felt anxious like this before.

[notyourrookie]

Wash sighs softly, but it's not annoyance, just... he isn't sure what to make of it. He puts down the knife and turns to Tucker. "I promise. I'm coming back from this one. You are too."

[unlocksdeath]

The promise bit is what he needed to hear, but the reassurance that Tucker himself will be okay is nice, too. Sometimes he needs someone to have a little faith in him and Wash has pretty consistently been the best person for that, which is probably the fact that makes up Tucker's mind as to what he's going to do next. His response isn't in words, but in leaning forward and pressing his lips to Wash's before the other can get away.

[notyourrookie]

It takes a moment to figure out what Tucker is doing. It shouldn't, but he's out of practice and tired and just plain didn't expect it. After their last conversation... he hadn't allowed himself to dwell on it. Hadn't allowed himself to think it meant what Tucker had said. But then Tucker is leaning in, closer and closer, and all Wash can do is freeze, wide-eyed and heart-pounding, until their lips brush and...

Tucker has very soft lips. it's a mad thing to recognise when all of this is happening. But he can't help it. And he can't move, can hardly breathe, in case this somehow shatters everything.

[unlocksdeath]

That's not a perfect reaction, but it isn't outright refusal either and Tucker notes that even as he does the relatively polite thing and pulls back instead of trying to drag it out. If Wash isn't into it, that's... fine, sure. Tucker doesn't regret the action, but there's definitely uncertainty on his face as he looks at Wash.

"So... Yeah. I'm holding you to that."

[notyourrookie]

He feels a flush of disappointment when Tucker pulls away, and he licks his lips, as though he can taste him still. He blinks at him, feeling a little dazed if he's honest, but it's been a long time since anyone touched him outside of medical.

"Uh... right. What?"

[unlocksdeath]

"What do you mean, what?" Tucker asks, tilting his head. But he hasn't pulled back entirely yet, still leaning toward Wash a little more than befits one of their usual conversations.

"Now if you break your promise and die, I'm gonna find a way to bring you back just to hit you for being a liar."

[notyourrookie]

"Tucker..." he begins, but he isn't sure what he wants to say. Isn't sure what he feels. Oh god this is confusing, and Tucker is so close. "You know me. I'm a cockroach," he says with a small smile. He's survived so much. Those mercs aren't going to break his streak.

"Why did you kiss me?" That seems like the easiest way to figure this out.